Thursday, May 21, 2009

Will you open you flyer?

After a poppy burst-ed work day, you go home thinking of a brilliant cricket you are about to play.

You go to the field and bowl 2 overs and the next thing you know is you cant let you hand down anymore and end up holding your hand in 'hands-up' position for the rest of the game.

You try to field a ball and the next thing you see is your leg covered in blood.

You come home after a disastrous play, at least wanting to have a nice dinner and a good sleep and the next thing you see is you hand covered in hot frying oil.

If the day is as such and you want to go to the bathroom to take a leak, will you get the guts to open your flyer?




You Bet, I didn't!!

p.s: rough draft.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

tagged moi.

Here goes the 10 random facts about me.

1. I'm left-handed and I feel lucky being one.

2. I start reading a magazine from the last page, almost always.

3. At any moment of time, I'm addicted to at least one single application of Google. I seriously believe someone will soon take control of the world with the help of Google. I think the government should consider analyzing Google-using-human behavioral pattern for abnormality and ban Google.

4. I heart music. I keep humming something or the other. My favorites; Godsmack, Blue October, Radiohead, Disturbed, Tool, Led Zeppelin, Korn, Seether.

5. I have an annoying self control. Thanks to music and my dad.

6. I like romantic movies but I just don't admit them. ( Somehow someone somewhere made me believe that romance is for 'immaturus'. what a sucker, I am! )

7. I can't hear anything detailed on child birth or even watch it in movies. I feel like my foot loses gravity when I hear 'em. (like the same feeling you get when on giant wheel)

8. I always drink water before food. Always!

9. I bet to myself to achieve something. And I do take resolutions but 90% of my resolution has been to 'Brush my teeth at night'. The reason its been on the list many times is because I fail at it miserably. It never crossed a week.

10. I think communism is cool and history is over-rated.

p.s:-
Anand, I would love to include the 3 facts you mentioned but considering the extreme pervert-ism I had to clip it out. Call me coward. ;)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Work Facts #4

Please Refrain from Talking to Your Computer

Your computer is not a person. It will never be a person. People talk to people. It’s the law. Also, It really creeps your neighbors out, and kills your element of surprise for hatefesting. If you try this and someone gives you the number for Resources for Living don’t be surprised.

Work Facts #3

Check Work Fact #2 before reading this.

Don’t assume everyone knows basic Math

____________________________________

From: XXXXXXXXX

Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2008 9:40 AM

To: xxxx; XXX Development XXXXXXXX Support

Subject: RE: XXDATE concern

XXXX,

It is mathematically impossible to divide any number by 7 and get a remainder of 8. Where you get the 6.8 from is a matter of opinion but the underlined below is not the definition of a remainder:

0039668 / 7 = 5666.8571428571428571428571428571

.8571428571428571428571428571 is technically the remainder = 6/7

XXXXXXXXXX
__________________________________

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Of Dulce de Leche and Pumpkin Pies,

Coming soon..Editing stage!

p.s : This post is not about 'desserts'. Its the reverse of it. Mind! reading this might bring you down.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I Heart Super-powers

Couple of days back, I had a dream in which my teeth starts falling out one by one. It looked so real, I jumped out of my bed screaming only to realize it was a nightmare. After some gargling and brushing and some heees in front of the mirror plus a couple of hours of staring at the ceiling, I finally managed to get some sleep.

The next morning, I googled for "Teeth falling out dreams" and it come back with 800 thousand page hits and hit me with the word "depression", as one of the psychological interpretation of the dream among others. Only then I realized, me not holding superpower is the reason for my personal calamity. Because,

If only, I have super power to travel back to past, I would go back in time to give Micheal Jackson his most important career advice with a proof, "to keep ears away from cosmetic surgeons and hands away from kids".

If only, I have super power to travel back to my kinder garden days, I would hit back the guy who hit me back for my hit on him for his cuss word on me. [Comprendo?]

If only, I have short term memory, I would now un-think my ONLY thought and be relieved. [Oh sorry, short term is not a super power.]

If only, I have super power to travel any place, I would have gone to the only place I love to be, anytime.

If only, I have that stupid super power, "I would have done the one thing, I deeply regret now for not doing at the right time", and wouldn't be this fricking depressed.

If only, GODDAMN IT!!!

p.s - For moral reasons, I gotto say this.
Be a man of reason. Super power is for the weak-hearts. It gives false hope.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I Hate Obama....

........just kidding. Some 15+ months before the poll, Obama was someone magical to me. I wished him to be the next president, just like any other normal person wished, mostly because of his race (at that time). Watching him frustrate Hillary Clinton during the debate with his charisma was just priceless. What else you need in a president? He has this extra-ordinary self-confidence, personal skills and much more. Then it just happened one day, I could not stand his speech. I just could not understand what he is talking. I really tried paying attention, after all he is like a 'Hero'. Mind! Im no scholar in politics but I do think rational (sometimes). But most of the thrills he manages to create in his speech only allures the irrationals (i think). Ofcourse, he needs to be, given credit for something in him that motivates people but not a credit to the level of hype people managed to create. In every sense, Ralph Nader beats Barack, who in my opinion is the most honest politician. He motivates people with matters. Unlike Obama, he does not showcase his political agenda wherever he finds a microphone, but rather talks about things that really matters to the people. For that matter, I hate to say this 'politically' thou, I like Ron Paul than Barack Obama. He is one darn honest 'person' (person, I did not say politician). You would just love seeing him rape the other G.O.P's. (you can find many in youtube)

I don't hate Obama. But he's just not what the hype has made him to be. (which is not his mistake, ofcouse. But definitely a problem for him.)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Mom & Me


'*ring, ring*'


'*ring, ring*'


'Hello!'


'Hi, Dear. How r u?'



'Hi Mom. Im gud'


'Wat u doing, son?'



'Hmm..just got up, mom'



'Did you eat?'



'??...!!.. Ahh..yes' [A lie. But its always a 'yes'. Even if its 6 in the morning]



'Are you drinking milk everyday?'



'yes, mom.' [Again a lie]



'Are you eating fruits daily?'



'yeah, mom'.



'Clip your nails regularly'



'ok, mom'



'When are you coming home?'



'Soon, mom'



'Did you shave that beard?'



'..................'




'yup' [Once again...]



'Don't come home without shaving that beard'




'................'




'you hear me?'




'...............'




'you there?...I know you are there.'




'................'




'I won't talk to you, if you come with that beard and Hows work?'



'Ok, mom. Work is Gud.'



'What about ur marr..?'






*click*







'Hello...?'



'You there...?'







'...............'







'I know you are there.'







'Hello...?'












'Poda arivu kettavanae!' [Meaning: Idiot!]



(Pics source : www.photosearch.com)

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Epitaph - "No Regrets!"

Here are my 50 things to do(some..keep doing), before you know....

01. Win an award.
02. Tour South America.
03. Try Stock Market.
04. Learn Guitar.
05. Get my pic & name in a newspaper. DONE
06. Write a Book.
07. Publish a Paper. Done
08. Watch a cricket match live. DONE
09. Attend Rio Carnival.
10. Save a life.
11. Open a School/college.
12. Own a gun.
13. Drive an Aston Martin.
14. Write some crazy virus program.
15. Provide some idea to get approved by IEEE as its standard.
16. Skydive.
17. Gift my parents, the most unexpected thing.
18. Learn Golfing.
19. Slap a stranger, just for the heck of it.
20. Scuba Dive.
21. Pull a fire alarm for no reason. DONE
22. Attend a court session.
23. Fall in Love.
24. Write my will.
25. Fly First class.
26. Travel in passenger ship long distance.
27. Attend Godsmack live concert.
28. Get an athletic body.(Mostly bigger biceps)
29. Visit Europe.
30. Visit Taj Mahal.
31. Drive across the whole N.America.
32. Drive a high speed motor bike.
33. Try some strange kamasutra stuff ;)
34. Have 2 kids.
35. Be truthful to the one who help me achieve the above two.
36. Get away the fear of Heights.
37. Play a poker game.
38. Taste pork.
39. Lead a company.
40. Visit African wilds!
41. Visit Himalayas.
42. Watch F1 live.
43. Swim for a mile.
44. Get drunk till I knock out.
45. Visit Egypt.
46. Own a boat.
47. Plant a Tree. DONE
48. Master C++ language.
49. Get a professional Massage. DONE.
50. Be my own.

Ok, this is all I could do on a boring Sunday. The list is not very original and not of any particular order. This is not to be mistaken for ambitions. Some of the things in the list are 'One-fine-morning-lets-just-do-it' kinda activity. Though some are very ambitious (say #19,33,44) but mostly the things in the list comes with a guilty pleasure.

I wonder how many I can score from these 50!! Complete or not, still the epitaph will read, "No Regrets!".

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Husband-Wife Relationship - Part 2

****Read the previous part of this post for continuity before this, if you haven't already*****

Life an incidental interaction, it is. Everything you do is perceived and construed and acted up you by known and unknowns, with rather conscious but sometime reflex retro-action, for good or bad. That is how it is and that is how it has to be. OK, why did I say this? Yeah. This story is about how invariant situation is apprehended and acted on different moods on different time frame.

Script 1b [Happily Ever After...still]

Cast: The Same as before. And Grandma's Right Brain(GRB aka Goody) & Left Brain(GLB aka Evil)

Rated: PG (Contains Abusive Language)

Script
[All happens the same as the previous part till the swan destruction. Grandma cooking. Grandpa Kicking. And by the way, our man is in bad mood]

[Breaking glass sound. Grandma hears it]

Grandpa : Shit!

Grandma : [She understood something has happened]

Grandpa : Shit, Shit!!

Grandma : Is Something...? [she sees the broken swan]

Grandpa : [He looks at her]. {In Raised Voice} Is this the place to keep the swan? How do you expect anyone to see there lying around.

[Grandma is numb]

Grandpa : I don't understand what you do at home? you irresponsible hag! You know how important the swan is to us, don't you? You got brick for brains? Get lost! [and he left]

[Grandma did not say anything. But her 2 brains did]

Conversation between GRB & GLB.(Think of it as two different spectrum of individuals analyzing the above conversation)

GLB : What an assh***?

GRB : Oh, GLB. You are back again?

GLB : You bet. I love it when they fight. I hate this crap of being a happy family. Once they had become this happy couple at home, it carried on to their 'outside home' atmosphere as well. That ain't right! I become bloody dormant. I feel fresh now, babe..HooHaa! I gotto teach her the world.

GRB : GLB! Its her issue leave it to her.

GLB : Its seems you need some teaching too. Hello, we are her. Its our issue, remember!

GRB : I know. I know, she would be better off without you. I know that for one.

GLB : So, you say, what happened is right?

GRB : No, But I think he was not quite normal today. I know how they fit with each other. May be he was in a bad mood. Work tension, maybe!

GLB : Bad Mood? Bad Mood!! One advice I tell you, you(referring to grandpa) CANNOT take your anger on one thing in another. That means you just are not being truthful to both. Not showing your anger where it needs to be and showing it somewhere else. Work tension, my ass. How about this, "Irresponsible Hag"?? He called her hag. "Hag", for god sake.

GRB : He also said "You know how important the swan is to us", that means his respect towards their relationship. May be he got offended that she was careless with one thing that represents their love. Or he might have felt guilty for breaking the swan and didn't know how to react.

GLB : what are you? a brain from Disney land? "May be this. May be that"{Imitating GRB}. Grow up kid.

GRB : You know, sometime you cannot take things on its face value. You gotto look closer. That man is wrong today. But she knows her man. I know she will not let this incident ruin what they have developed so far. That is how it is and that is how it has to be.

GLB : Yeah, whatever. But the "You got brick for brains" was so funny..hahaha.

[Grandma thought about it and started cleaning the broken pieces.]

[They did not kiss. Yet on their way to live happily ever after, because they both know that moment is not far.]

For Geeks: Ok fine, I know how left and right brain works.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Husband-Wife Relationship - Part 1

I was, I think sixteen and was listening to a radio station. There was this guy giving philosophical speech in the radio. In between he told a story about the relationship between husband and wife in different generations. I feel it needs to be passed on. I took the blogger's liberty and improvised the story a bit. And I hope I have done justice to it.

Script 1a [Happily Ever After]

Cast: (At their young age)Your Grandpa, Your Grandma, A priceless glass 'Love Swan' presented to them on their first marriage anniversary which they treasure.

Rated: G

Script
Grandma : [In kitchen, cooking]

Grandpa : [Entering the house]

[Love Swan is keep in a place by GRANDMA where its not supposed to be, at least today. Because our grandpa is going to kick and break it]

[Breaking glass sound. Grandma hears it]

Grandma : Whats the noise, did something broke?

Grandpa : The..

Grandma : Babe??

Grandpa : The Swan. I did not see it placed there, honey. I accidentally broke it.

Grandma : What??? [she comes to see the incident]

Grandpa : I'm so sorry. I should have been careful. You always say that this swan symbolizes our love and marriage. Every morning I see the Swan, it reminds me how happy a couple we are. It held us back together on our troubled times. It had been a part of our life, so long. Now I just feel terrible, dear. If one thing I wanted to change in life, this would be it.

Grandma : No dear, It was my mistake. I shouldn't have left it there. It is hard for anyone to see it. Its just a glass. What we have between us is unbreakable and that is what I treasure. In fact I'm ready to lose as many swans to hear what you just said. That is what I cherish more.

[Grandma Cleaned the debris]

[They kissed and lived happily ever after.]

P.S: The use of the term Grandma & Grandpa is just to show the generation difference.
I have made the story into 5 parts. The remaining parts are on it way.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Work Facts #2

Always have a close friend validate your findings before announcing to another area that you have discovered a possible issue that could be impacting the ‘World’

_____________________________________________

From: xxxxxxxx

Sent: Tuesday, October 07, 2008 5:33 PM

To: XXX Development XXXXXXX Support

Subject: XXDATE concern

Importance: High


Team,

Unless my eyes deceive me, the formula to calculate which day (Sunday - Saturday) of the week a date falls on doesn't work. Below is an example. When the program divided 39668 by 7, the remainder came up to be "8" versus 0 – 6

According to the copybook, this is what it says. Please advise. If this is broken, then how many programs in production that use this routine are broken as well?

xxxxxxxx
_____________________________________________

Look Work facts #3 for the reply.

Work Facts #1

Deploying new software into production?

No matter how you advertise you will miss someone. This is your opportunity to show them what they missed and how obvious the notice was.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Go Smart, Save Job.

Recently read an article in CNN about bulletproofing you job with 4 simple strategies. Thought I would save a copy of it for future use. This is just an excerpt of the book "Bulletproof Your Job: 4 Simple Strategies to Ride Out the Rough Times and Come Out on Top at Work", by Viscusi.

Be visible

It's important to be a visible part of the team. "The invisible guy is the first to go," Viscusi observes. "What you need to do is create a perception that makes you more visible, more notable and ultimately more valuable to your company."

Tips on increasing visibility:

• Arrive early and stay late. Let your boss see your commitment to work, rather than your clockwatching abilities.

• Pay attention to your apparel and your appearance. Make sure your office attire is appropriate. Take note of everything from your hair to your shoes, because everyone else in the office (including your boss) will.

• Develop an eye for the small details.

• Listen up and when appropriate, speak up. Introduce yourself. Prepare your 30-second personal pitch, or "elevator pitch," that explains who you are and what you're all about.

• Introduce yourself with eye contact and a strong handshake - - a personal, warm greeting that Viscusi calls the "Viagra handshake."

Be easy

Being an "easy" employee doesn't mean you need to be a passive nodding machine who does your manager's bidding. What Viscusi is suggesting is that employees be easy to communicate and interact with.

Workers can take the "easy" way by keeping these ideas in mind:

• Don't gripe, especially if the issue is inconsequential. If there is a serious challenge, communicate without complaining. Stay clear of personal gossip about co-workers and managers.

• Watch what you say and how you say it at work. Neutral language doesn't matter if it's delivered with a sarcastic tone.

• Avoid obvious touchy subjects (race, sex and religion) as well as the not-so-obvious (your salary). If you do talk with co-workers, Viscusi says "Discuss, don't argue."

Be useful

Every employee is expected to be useful, but as Viscusi notes, "You have to actively look for ways to do more." Exceeding expectations sometimes requires an investment of time and effort, but just as often you can impress the boss with creativity and efficiency.

Viscusi recommends these approaches to be "Mr. or Mrs. Above-and-Beyond" at work:

• Find ways to be a mentor at work. You can reach out to new workers, as well as share your knowledge with executives and CEOs. (They'll remember you for it.)

• Be a "utility player" -- the multifaceted worker who the "coach" (your boss) can pull off the bench and put in the game when another worker is injured (or quits without notice).

• At the same time, cultivate a role as a specialist on the job (or in some of the tasks that you perform).

• Add dollar value to the company by keeping customers happy and minimizing expenses.

Be ready

Viscusi suggests that being prepared for any outcome instills an air of confidence and calm that looks good on you.

"When you're ready for anything," he says, "you behave with a certainty that you'll succeed when all is well and land on your feet if you hit a bump in the road."

Viscusi suggests that workers can make these preparations:

• Have money in the bank.

• Keep your résumé current and establish a relationship with a recruiter in your field.

• Establish and enhance your network. Be a part of professional organizations and reach out to help the contacts in your professional circles.

• If possible, publish articles or make presentations on your specialized subject matter.

• Be aware of what your peers are doing.

• Avoid getting stuck in a rut. Continue your education, and strive to learn new skills at work.


Reading the book will give more insight about how to live your professional life and not just holding on to your job.